Hey Beautiful people,
I want you to imagine this…
It’s happy hour and you’re standing at a crowded bar with your friend, desperately trying to flag down the bartender to order a glass of pinot when, suddenly, you notice him walk through the door…
The Man of Your Dreams.
He’s tall, with dark hair and a chiseled jaw with just the right amount of stubble. He must have come straight from an important job; he’s still wearing a suit and he looks nothing short of dashing.
Your Dream Man makes his way through the crowd and positions himself at the bar, in between you and his friend. He’s so close your bodies are practically touching. This is your big – possibly only – chance to talk to him, you think to yourself.
It’s now or never. You know that, at any moment, he could decide to leave and you’ll miss out on your chance forever. You’ve got to speak up…
But what do you say
You make halfhearted conversation with your girlfriend while you try to come up with a clever way to introduce yourself to Dream Man. You don’t want to use a cheesy line. You don’t want to make a fool of yourself. You definitely don’t want to come on too strong and scare him away.
Tick, tick, tick… the night is wearing on and with every tick of the clock you feel your chances with him slipping away…
Two glasses of wine later, you still haven’t figured out a way to break the ice. And when you finally muster up enough courage to turn and say hello,he’s gone.
That’s it. You missed your chance. And you’ll probably never see him again.
Has this ever happened to you?
Have you ever missed an opportunity with someone you were magnetically attracted to because of one simple reason: you didn’t have the right words to say?
Of course. We all have.
Well, never again…
Here’s what you do
Firstly, you make eyes and smile with whoever catches your fancy. Pay attention to his response. Is he smiling back? Giving you the eye? Eye flirt a couple of times so that approaching him doesn’t come off as a surprise.
Then, if flirting has gone well, it’s time for approach. Go up and say, ” hey, i’m Silvia”
I mean, don’t use my name because that’d be weird. But you get it.
And what will his natural response be? Most likely, he’ll tell you what his name is and there will be an opportunity for you to have a conversation. It is literally as easy as that.
Now, the reality is , you can say whatever you want when you go up to him. But you don’t have to come up with a Cirque du Soleil routine Ala the Game) To keep the guy interested. A woman approaching a guy is uncommon, period. This means you have leverage, and there’s much less pressure on you to prove yourself
Dazzle With Conversation
Now we get into the meat of it. Of course, this is the next logical step in this sequence where we start to freak out again.
Omg, now that I’m here, what do I say? Am I interesting? Am I boring? OMG, I’m boring!
We tend to forget what’s amazing about us the second we feel like we’re trying to impress someone else. Remember, this conversation is meant to answer the questions from earlier: Is this guy cool? Am I interested?
So naturally, what you say and the questions you ask should be designed to help you get a sense of this guy, while also drawing him to you. The first rule of a fantastic conversation is to focus on how you make the other person feel when they’re around you; that’s what keeps them wanting to stay for more
So what exactly does this look like?
First, employ the art of curiosity. Just like when you’re trying to figure out whether or not you’re going to buy that pair of shoes, you become curious about them first and then start asking questions.
Ask him about who he’s with (at the gym, bar, event, etc). Ask him WHY he loves the place. Ask him why he loves doing what he does.
When you ask “why” to anyone, they’re 10x more likely to reveal more about themselves. Assuming they have more depth than a goldfish. This is what helps get the conversation flowing and then moving at full speed.
And this is the part where you become selective. Notice what he’s giving back to you. Details or one-word answers? Questions about you in return? Does he start to get playful and tease you? Are you two just awkwardly staring at each other, nodding, and saying the dreaded, “Sooo…..YEAH”?
At this point–say 5 to 10 minutes into the conversation–it’s time to make a decision. Do you stay or do you go?
I actually suggest you do what may seem slightly counterintuitive.
For one, if it’s not going well, just leave. A simple “great talking to you” is just fine to get yourself off the hook.
But if the conversation is going REALLY well…I also suggest you leave. You want to leave at that moment you know you two are really enjoying each other. When that tension has been built, you excuse yourself and say, “This was fun. Will I see you again?”
*Bats eyelashes, looks cute, etc.*
Now you’ve turned your approach into a challenge for him. If he’s into you, of course he’ll try to see you again. Or, maybe he’ll tease back and it’ll be an intriguing mystery for now. But the key point here is, by exiting the conversation at the right time, you show that you have a life that excites you. The guy is cool and you may be into him, but you also have these girlfriends over there you want to talk to or that 3 mile run of your workout to finish.
And the best part about this?
You can do it over and over again. Approaching can be a fun game, where anyone you see becomes the most fascinating person in the room. Who are they? Why are they interesting? What makes them tick?
It completely takes the anxiety and pressure out of talking to new people, and the bonus: you now have a richer, more exciting life to live, which is sexy as hell to a guy.
These phrases make men beg to be with you…