Have you had one failed relationship after another? Are you tired of waiting for the right guy to come along? Why not go out and find him yourself? To get the right man, use the following strategies.
1 – Live your own life. The best thing anyone can do to be more attractive is to lead an interesting, fulfilling life; only deeply manipulative or insecure people want to be with someone who has no side interests, activities, friends, or hobbies. Think about your own tastes: would you rather be with a man who spends his weekends hiking, travelling, playing cello, and taking you to dance classes or one who sit in his living room playing video games and catching up on his favourite shows? Hold yourself to these same standards by spending plenty of time with your friends, pursuing your own interests, and developing new hobbies. (In fact, you may just meet some interesting men while you’re there!) Don’t drop these things the second you meet someone; make them integral to your experience. You’ll find yourself happier and more independent while you’re at it, which will help steer your dating decisions and make you more compatible with interesting men as well.
2 – Look in all the right places. Start by imagining the type of man you’re looking for. Make a list – at the top of which should be responsible, respectful, and honest – of characteristics, quirks, and deeper-level traits that you want in a man, but be careful not to get too caught up in non-essentials (ex. brown-haired) or you may find yourself writing off some real gems. (If you find your list goes on and on, you might have some soul-searching to do.) Then, imagine where that type man would be. Would he be hanging out at a bar? Or, more likely, would you find him golfing, hiking, getting an education, or pursuing some other similar activity? Make a list of 10 places that you would want your future husband to frequent (from art galleries to bookstores, anything goes as long as you are legitimately personally interested in what happens there and would choose to go there on your own). Finally, make a point of going to those places whenever possible – as long as you continue your own, fulfilling personal life. You’ve probably already found that you are meeting more men just by pursuing your passions!
3 – Get over past hurts. Letting old wounds spill over into new relationships, whether by reliving the same power struggles over and over again or by looking at your wonderful new partner with a sceptical eye, is one of the fastest ways you can either pick the wrong guy or sabotage a budding relationship with the right one
4 – Dress in whatever way makes you feel comfortable and confident. Never feel that you should have to dress in a sexually provocative way to attract a man. In general, women dressed in a way that is either too sexual or too prudish have a harder time gaining traction with men they don’t know yet; a woman who dresses in an overly sexy way looks like she’s trying too hard to get attention, but a woman who is dressed in an overly conservative way looks like she’s suppressing her natural self. All men are a little different, of course, but if you want to dress like a lady, you will attract men who are looking for a lady.
5 – Refine your flirting technique. The best flirting skills to use on men tend to be physical ones. This doesn’t mean you should be overtly sexual. When you see a man who interests you, make eye contact and smile; studies show that smiling is the single most effective thing a woman can do to look more attractive to men. The classic look you’ll see is this: a woman makes eye contact, notices the man watching her, blushes, and looks down; then she bravely draws her eyes back up and smiles again. (That description may be a bit too demure or feminine for your style, but adaptations on it hit a chord for men.) However, confidence is key, and subservience rarely is attractive to good men (unless that is your cultural norm). Keep making eye contact and smiling, but don’t be creepy. If he looks shy and isn’t approaching you after awhile, give him a wink; if he looks uncomfortable and avoids eye contact, pick a different target. Read How to Flirt for more advice.
- Once he approaches you, lean back and relax. Now is his turn to talk to you. Have fun and joke with him: gently tease him a little – nicely, not sexually. Tell him one thing exciting in your life, but focus on asking him about his life and commenting on it positively. If you’re still attracted and he makes you laugh, touch his arm. (Don’t look at your hand, but notice how he reacts.) Continue to touch him at intervals. If he starts to look uncomfortable, back off with both your body language and energy level.
- Realise that many men love the process of pursuing a woman. This doesn’t mean you should play games with him. It does, however, mean that often men like to initiate a kiss, initiate sex, say “I love you” first, ask a woman on a date, ask her to be his girlfriend and ask her to be his wife. However, there are obviously some cases where men are shy and therefore don’t like to make the first move. This can happen at times when you either haven’t given them enough encouragement or they’re simply shy. During the first meeting, after you’ve made a connection and closer to when you both have to leave, mentioning a restaurant you’ve been itching to go to, some hobbies you like, or the fact that your activities for that weekend have fallen through may help to bring the process along. Don’t be afraid of giving him your telephone number; this is a harmless gesture, not a marriage proposal.
6 – Spot red flags. It can be hard to tell whether or not someone you’re interested in is exhibiting suspect behaviour, especially in the early stages of a relationship when your emotions – and hopes – are running high. If you have a tendency to fall in with bad eggs, read any of the following articles that may apply. Forewarned is forearmed.
- How to Recognise a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship
- How to Pick Up on Manipulative Behaviour
- How to Recognise a Controlling Person
- Love, Relationship GOALS, Singles, Dating, PSYCHOLOGY